Friday, May 18, 2012

Writing credible action scenes and characters

I was surprised to discover that I was a writer's resource. What? Who me? Why?

One of the authors summed it up this way "You've lived the life we write about."

Ummm... errrr.... well, maybe. The reason for my hesitation is that it was a romance writer who told me that. (Okay on the going head to head with dangerous people, but a guy named "Animal" and wooing? Not so much. But thanks for thinking of me.

I've written elsewhere about some of the problems with how writers handle 'alpha' characters and what traps not to fall into http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/alphablogone.htm

Today I want to talk about not the standing around and looking heroic part, but more the mindset of those who aren't afraid to go hands on.

Three things about keeping your character from being a bully:
#1 The best don't want to do it
#2 The decision to act is a rational one based on an assessment of the situation; it's NOT an emotional or pride based one.
#3 If they are forced to do it, it's not going to be a long drawn out fight.

Here's an important safety tip about violence -- it's dangerous. You can get hurt. In fact, if you want to get all mathematical about it, technically speaking, half of the people involved in a two-person 'fight' lose. That means ANY time your character engages in violence he knows there's a 50/50 chance of it going wrong for him.

The good one's stack the deck. One of the best ways to stack the deck is NOT to engage in two-person, head to head, 'fight.'

Oh BTW, the bad guys also know this. This is why they show up with extra numbers, weapons and set you up. This gives you, the writer, a chance for some dramatic tension. A good way to explain it is it's like cheating at cards. It's easy to 'win' when you (or your side) is the only one cheating. It's a whole different game when EVERYONE is cheating. More than that, they all know they're cheating yet nobody is going to come out and admit that is what is going on.

That is until the situation explodes. Then it boils down to who's better at stacking the deck before hand.

An example is a group of three guys roll up on your character. Now, simple law of survival. NEVER allow yourself or your character to be surrounded by bad guys. Unlike in the movies when bad guys surround you they don't politely wait to attack you one at at time. Often two will attack simultaneously while the real bad ass hangs back (yeah, he's using them as cannon fodder). Still if they're young punks the 'stud' (who's trying to prove himself) will be leading the set up as they try to surround your character.

No matter what the dynamics of the group are, think of them trying to set up a triangle with your character in the middle. This is their set up. This is exactly what your character DOESN'T want to allow to happen. What's best is that he keeps them all in front of him and at a good distance. And yes, calmly telling them 'that's close enough' does wonders for telling 'cheaters' that you know how to cheat too. Because people who know how the game is played know they don't want to be surrounded. So y'all can stay on your side of the line.

At this time the bad guys have a choice. Did they stack the deck enough? Do they have what it takes to overwhelm your character? Or should they wisely decide to back off? Well, wise doesn't sell books. But
A) stupid, young dumb and full of cum (against an experienced fighter)
B) your character is young and/or female and the bad guys overrate themselves OR
C) this is a professional job
does give you reason for an action scene.

A solid tactic when dealing with multiple attackers is "Line Dancing." (This is primarily for empty handed fight scenes, but the same dynamics apply to weapons.) Obviously, don't let them triangulate on your character, but your character wants everyone in a line with him or her on the end. See if you got three guys lined up with your character on either end, that means they have to get around each other in order to attack him at once. This kind of neutralizes the advantage of superior numbers, dontcha know?

Remember how I mentioned the different group dynamics of the guys coming at your character. That's an important issue of target selection in what I fondly call "Bowling for Assholes."

My oldest living friend "Doc" has certain rules when it comes to weapons. His third one is "Anything longer than it is wide can be used as a weapon -- this includes the guy who is with the guy who's in your face." Thus is the essence of bowling for assholes.

If you assign danger levels to the players, you get he's the most dangerous. He's the second most dangerous. He's third. The two you want to remove from the running ASAP are #1 and #2. This doesn't matter if they're amateurs or pros. Your character wants them out of commission first.

You're character has already communicated, stay back there boys (Indicating he doesn't want to go there at all.) And yet they just keep on coming. *Sigh -- I hate it when that happens.* Worse, they're trying to triangulate on him. Now your character knows nothing good can come from this. This brings us to point two, what's about to happen is a rational decision based on immediate threat.

They're going for the set up. Not going to happen. That means before they can triangulate on him he steps forward, grabs one and throws him. Believe it or not, (unless your character is a moose) the easiest and fastest way to do this is with what's known in line dancing as the grapevine step. You (your character) grabs on, steps behind and across so you're all twisted up (the deeper you step the better) Except unlike the actual grapevine step, you then pirouette. Basically you untwist yourself and end up facing the other direction. This doesn't sound like much, but it is one of the fastest and most powerful throws you can do. Basically it uses your entire body weight to drag the guy off balance and whips him around like a sling. (Ladies, you didn't hear this from me, but it's great for handling grabby drunks at the office party) Because of the mechanics of this move you can aim the guy you're throwing into another person (Doc's third rule).

They both go down ass over tea kettle.

Here's where the group dynamics of the bad guys come into play. If they're punks, you're hero grabs dangerous guy #1 and throws him into dangerous guy #2. In situations like this #3 often decides to beat feet (would you want to tangle with someone who just ate the lunch of two guys you know you couldn't beat?). In more serious situations, your character throws #2 into #1 then drops #3. This allows him to deal with 1 and 2 one at a time as they get up. Oh yeah, both being thrown into someone and having someone thrown into you REALLY hurts. Add to that you get all tangled up when you hit the ground.. It's not unrealistic that one or both don't get up.

If it's just two of them and your character young and female, they don't get up before she beats feet out of there. Or if you'd rather she can kick them in the face as they're trying to get up, Such behavior sounds brutal, but in environments where reprisals are common, doing so tends to get the message across that this one is best left alone. (Although you could use her not kicking his teeth in and the bad guy losing 'face' as a reason for further action against your character.

Elapsed time of bowling for assholes move? About two seconds tops. Moving into position and then doing it. So how do you build suspense? Well, the dance of them trying to triangulate, your character preventing it... until suddenly oh my oh my! Your character, who had been doing so well until now, screws up and steps into a position in line where he/she is not at the end anymore (putting him/herself into a pincer move.) The glee, the chortling, the evil cackles of the bad guys as they think your character screwed up...

WHAM!

owwwwwww...

Notice how this move conforms to the third point I made about not wanting to 'fight.' The more experienced and competent your character is, the faster he or she wants violence over. More than that, the more he or she is going to stack the deck in a game of cheaters. Like accidentally- on- purpose stepping between bad guys before going bowling.

Now in case you missed it, your character is going to have to think. To know what the subtle danger signs are. To have certain attitudes and an understanding of what kinds of subtle danger signals occur in dangerous and violent situations. But to do that, you need to know it too. Understanding how violent people think is critical for writing believable action scenes.

Well it just so happens that I know about a book that will show you this kind of information (See, I told you we were sneaky bastards). The book is call "Campfire Tales From Hell: Musings on Martial Arts, Survival, Bouncing and Other Thug Stuff."

It's a collection of essays by people who lived (and in many cases still do live) the lives of your characters. It's all the kinds of information -- other than just busting heads -- that people, who survive in dangerous and extreme environments, know and use to stay safe. You want to write believable characters and tense action scenes? Get it from the people who live it -- many of whom are even sneakier than I am.

You can get it as an e-book for $7.99.

Amazon - http://www.amazon.com/Campfire-Tales-From-Hell-ebook/dp/B0083XYSWM

Smashwords/Nook - https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/163062

Give it a shot. But, you better be careful, you might just learn something...

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Are you getting screwed by your 'self-defense' training?

When it comes to self-defense, many people want one-stop-shopping. Man, if they know this one ultimate martial art style, it's is all they need.

I hear this a lot. Usually in the form of being asked, ‘which martial art style is best for self-defense?’ Or ‘what do you think about (fill in the blank) for self-defense?’ Even more I see statements like “MMA/combatives is the closest you can get to REAL fighting.”

Every time I hear this kind of thinking. I have a strong urge to throw up.

I ought to buy stock in Tums. Get some of the money back I’ve invested by needing to have a bottle of the stuff constantly on hand. Because I’ll tell you, I hear this nonsense a lot.

I don’t hold the people who are asking me these questions responsible for my indigestion. (The ones talking about ‘real’ violence are another story.) The questioners honestly don’t know any better. I’ve started explaining to them most of what they think they know about self-defense, violence and fighting is advertising.

To be more specific, it is information tailored to fit with what they think they know about violence -- based on Hollywood images, high school memories and their own fertile imaginations – package up and sold to them as ‘self-defense.’ While that statement is accurate, it a really complicated way of saying ‘They’re selling you fantasy solutions to fantasy problems.’

That’s where one-stop-shopping starts creeping in. Keep this in mind, we’ll come back to it. Right now I want to talk about tool development. In doing so I hope I’ll help you see things a little clearer about why ‘self-defense’ isn’t a one-stop-shopping kind of problem.

Someone recently sent me a couple of Youtube links to a ‘master’ of ‘combat tai chi.’ (Well, there’s some marketing right there.) He asked me what I thought. Here’s my reply…

********

From a tai chi movement standpoint, he moves like a pregnant yak.

For a Hollywood action flick, he moves perfectly. His movement is slow, gross, choppy and stopping mid-action. Which makes it so the camera can see what he's doing. The movement looks dramatic and cool for the camera. This so the viewer can track it (especially because of the pauses).

For an advertisement selling his videos to people who don't know what violence/ fighting actually is, his gross movement is awesome, cool, kick ass and "wowie kazowie let me run right out and put my money down for training and videos."

Knowing this is important because a good tai chi player can nail you so hard that even Google won't be able to find you. It will have power based on structure and VERY subtle movement. Movement that, not only the camera won't see (look across the room and squint, that's what the camera sees), but also not visible to the untrained naked eye.

Yeah you see tai chi guy stick his arm out, but the reason the other guy gets knocked on his butt is because of the subtle body movement the tai chi player does. The arm is more the delivery system.

And it ain't just 'hits' there's all kinds of weird angling and twisting that go into it so as to create serious ‘this sucks’ physics. Well, it sucks if you're on the receiving end of it. In all honesty, as much as boxers know how to hit hard, I'd rather take a punch from a boxer than a blow from someone who knows how to apply his/her tai chi on the proper angles. It's either get knocked on your butt or have things break -- and if the tai chi guy is good, you get both. A boxer can knock you across the room, a tai chi player can nail you into the ground. Lemme tell you, the human body is not designed to be used as a nail.

Now let me address another issue. Despite having awesome physics, Tai chi won't teach you how to fight or how to defend yourself.

I'm going to use a weird analogy here. Let's liken self-defense to fixing your car. Tai chi is like a tool box. It's filled with some damned fine quality tools. But, just having the tools won't teach you how to fix your car. You also have to know how to use them. Oh, while we're at it, when it comes to fixing your car, you have to read the manual on how to do that too.

Except there's a problem, you don't know how to read. Without that knowledge, that manual is pretty useless. Being able to read helps with determining if this the right manual in the first place. And oh yeah, just reading the manual won't get your car fixed either, you actually have to pick up your tools and do it yourself -- after you've correctly diagnosed the problem. Even if you have the tools, changing the tires isn't going to help you replace a broken fan belt. That’s why good diagnostic skills are also important.

Is having the tools critical for fixing your car? You betcha. But having tools is only one of the many critical elements you need to have in order to get the job done.

Now, I can't speak for 'Master' Who-Flung-Poo’s instructional videos. The things you talk about him mentioning are, are in fact, very important for proper tool development. But remember having good tools while very important, is not the same as knowing how to use them. Much less knowing how to fix your car.

Conversely, knowing how to fix your car is equally useless without tools or having tools that break on you as you're trying to use them (hence the need for good tools).

Tai chi can give you really good tools and teach you how to use them. However, the way that it's normally taught tends to be more oriented on different directions (e.g. building a house). Self-defense is a very specific set of needs and knowledge. While a lot of tools cross over, there are somethings that are very specialized and unique to that subject. Things you will not learn from the martial arts. (Like, oh say, the legal definition and boundaries of what self-defense is).

******************

For the record, let me state that it’s been my experience that tai chi is awesome tool development. They are really good about structure and power transfer. We’re talking the Snap-On Tools of the martial arts. And doing tai chi can take whatever style you do already and turn your tools into Dewalt, Craftsman and Milwaukee. In the same way that boxing will improve your punching skills and muay Thai will improve your kicking skills. That’s because you take what you learn there and apply it to your own style. (Different styles emphasize different elements and concepts. Those elements are what make that style effective. It’s not the style itself.)

A big, big problem with a whole lot of what is being taught out there is their physics suck. (Many commercialized schools have even lost the elements and concepts that made the style effective.) The body mechanics of the techniques (tools) they’re teaching are aweful. I’m not talking about even Walmart quality tools. I’m talking the cheap crap you pick up at a swap meet or out of the back of a van. Tools that not only don’t effectively deliver force, but break and fall apart as you try to use them. This is a big reason why I like to tell folks to do tai chi for a spell. It’ll improve the quality of their tools (techniques).

But again, ALL of those are tools. Tools critical to getting the job done, but not the same as doing the job. Or even knowing what’s involved in the job or how to do it.

Now that you have an idea about the bigger picture (tools, manuals, diagnostics, reading etc.) let’s take an another look at one-stop-shopping.

My problem with the ‘one stop shopping’ approach is people believe that they can buy quality tools, lean how to use them, learn to read, get the right manual and fix their car --ALL in the same place. Then they start adding things, like exercise, a social network, meditation, spirituality, character development and psychology and the BS gets really, really deep.

In closing I’d like to leave you with something that I’ll let you figure out the implications for yourself. That is the correlation between one-stop-shopping and high prices.

Take a look at the quality of merchandise you get from SuperWalmart, Super Target or whatever cheap one-stop-shopping store that’s local to you. You pay less knowing it’s cheap, but the convenience of not having to run around town balances it out. The martial arts, combatives, ultimate fighting market is the polar opposite. The more they claim to be able to ‘give’ you everything you need, the higher the prices.

But what about the quality?

For all the money these places are charging, I am seriously underwhelmned. Never mind all the other stuff they say you are ‘learning.’ Way too often I look at the quality of their ‘tools’ and think ‘You need six months of tai chi. Because your structure and timing sucks. You’re leaking force like a spaghetti strainer.’

But man, will the instructors – and more importantly the people who are paying for it -- tell you how awesome and effective that training is.

Apparently, the more people pay, the more they believe (or maybe that’s ‘have to believe’) they’ve found the ultimate kick ass style that gives them everything they need to prepare them for ‘real’ violence.

You might want to think about this if you’ll ever have to ‘fix your car.’

M

Friday, March 2, 2012

Spotting bias, slant, spin and agenda

Get a cup of coffee, this is gonna be a discussion of another long, complex subject. And I mean a real long one. (No lie, I mean it's REALLY long.)

I always enjoy pointing folks to a study done at Emory University. People -- who identified themselves as either liberals or conservatives -- were put into an MRI machine and asked political questions.

During the question part of the experiment, both 'groups' displayed the same patterns of biased, skewed and illogical thought. (Keep that last part in mind, we'll come back to it.) For example, if the opponent's candidate did something 'wrong,' the reaction was an immediate, "Lynch the SOB!" Conversely, when their own candidate did the same thing ... "Well, you know he had his reasons for that" and "I know what he did was wrong, but he's done so much good," etc., etc.

In other words, it was wrong, evil and horrible when the other side did it, But OK, understandable and forgivable when their side did the same thing. Along those same lines, the other side was chock full of idiots and malicious greedy bastards, who were out to destroy all that was good in the world. Whereas, their side was right, noble and pure of heart. Those same biases were inherent in both group's verbal answers.

There's another part of this study, though -- the mechanical one. I said earlier to keep 'illogical thought' in mind. That's because, as they were questioned, the MRI was aimed at their brains. The scans showed what parts of their brains were physically active while they were being asked and were answering the questions. The parts that were firing in both groups were once again the same.

Except for one little thing. The parts of their brains that were active controlled emotions, not logic. But -- and here is where the MRI came in handy -- everyone swore they were being rational and logical about their answers. Nope, sorry, wrong. There's the physical proof.

Those glowing hot spots on the MRI and the steadfast belief they were being logical are the foundations for the statement: The hardest bias to spot is your own.

It's easy to get cranky when someone is pissing on some cause or ideal you support. After all, it's something you believe is right, true and obvious. And that bastard is attacking your ideals. It's lots harder to spot when you're being manipulated along those same lines -- especially when that manipulation reconfirms your biases. The booger about this is the same techniques that infuriate you when they piss all over your beliefs seem perfectly logical and reasonable when they're pissing on other people's beliefs.

That's what we're going to talk about today, how to spot those techniques. This is especially important when you agree with the slant given to information. That's when it's hardest to see. But, before we go there, there are a few more foundational issues that need to be addressed.

Humans are by nature tribal. You can get all kinds of cultural anthropological, evolutionary psychological and historical about it. Or you can look at how, even among those of our own nation, we divide ourselves into smaller, more tribal political parties, religious denominations, socioeconomic levels, ethnic and even football team allegiances. Gone are the days of raiding and warfare against our neighbors. But we basically still play the same game as back when we charged over the hill while waving spears. We're just more intellectual and civilized about it. Because, after all, we're all part of the same nation and are educated and civilized. Spears? No. Verbal slings and arrows, oh yeah.

A lot of other stuff comes with these groupings. We use the ideals, standards, mythology and -- we can go so far as to say -- dogma of our subgroups to identify who we are. "I'm a (fill in the blank)," "We believe (fill in the blank)." That basically means we buy into an 'us vs. them' mindset. Then we tell ourselves why we are better, smarter, more (fill in the blank) than the other group. Those horrible, ignorant 'them.'

Tribalism is a huge subject by itself, but how it relates here is it corrupts what we accept as 'proof.' In fact, we tend to accept without question anything that:
a) supports our biases
b) condemns the 'other'

A lot of the time when you join a group, you have to accept that group's enemy as your own. The longer the feud, the more ingrained and dogmatic beliefs become -- especially as to why those other people are wrong. I'm talking -- short of calling them baby raping, crackheads -- any slur, rumor, allegation, insult or criticism of 'those' people is accepted at face value and assumed to be true. "Evidence? We don't need no stinkin' evidence! Just for that we'll blog about your mother, too!" (With apologies to Bogey and "Sierra Madre.")

Before we get to how to spot slant, bias, spin doctoring, agenda pushing and plain old manipulation designed to get your limbic system all aflutter (so you shut down your higher brain functions and get all tribal monkey), let's look at the differences between the way we get our information as straight news, analysis, opinion/editorial and blogging. This differences are important. Past straight news, odds are good someone is intentionally trying to light up your tribal 'monkey' for their own profit, power and control.

Wow, doesn't that sound paranoid and Machiavellian? Well, guess what? Even if nothing is happening right at that moment, keeping your emotional monkey brain simmering stops you from slowing down and actually thinking for yourself. Or to be more specific, thinking along anything other than tribal lines. It's in the source's best interest to keep you emotional and excited ... especially if it means you keep coming back to him or her as a 'news' source or to vote for them. And don't forget the increase in their advertising rates (revenue) when it comes to increased ratings or circulation. Machiavellian? Nah. Try business. The media is not a philanthropic organization, not even the news.

A straight news story tells you who, what, when, where, why and how. That's pretty much it. An important sticking point is the 'why.' For the sake of clarity, we'll say that the best 'why' comes directly from individuals involved in the story. It's news when the guy in the story tells you 'why' he's doing something. When the writer of the piece starts telling you 'why,' it's floating away from straight news. How far that goes ... well, that remains to be seen.

One also can say that a legit story will give you multiple sides. My wife, who was a newspaper editor for more than 20 years, has a saying: "A good story pisses everyone off." That's because all sides are going to be angry that you gave equal time and space to everyone, instead of favoring just one angle. (Oh, did you notice how I slid in the idea that actual news isn't binary? If you're lucky there's only 16 different sides with their own opinions and complicating related issues about the subject. That's another wifely insight.) If you look at issues beyond a simplistic black and white, right or wrong perspective, things get complicated real quick.

Proportions are something you need to keep an eye on. News -- on anything more complicated than a house fire or simple crime -- reports the opposing viewpoints of an issue. Now sometimes they have to go to a total barking moonbat to find an opposing point of view, but they will report it. They do this to keep up the appearance of being balanced and reporting the 'opposing' points of view. You can see this because the bulk of the news story will be about the facts, reputable sources will make up most of the 'why' and one lone paragraph or section will contain the moonbat's comments.

This same practice, however, can be used to slant a news story. Giving equal time to opposing sides does not mean three paragraphs of quotes from one side and a one liner from the other. That's a subtle way to make the underrepresented side look like a barking moonbat.

Where things start getting complicated is with analysis pieces. An analysis looks like a news story; in fact, they show up most in self-proclaimed 'news magazines.' But simply stated, it ain't the news. It ain't a feature, and it's often only a hair away from an opinion/editorial piece.

An analysis is a booger because it is not straight news. It's the writer analyzing the information he or she is giving you. Information he (or she) has picked and chosen. An analysis piece relies heavily on experts telling you what something means and what is going to happen about a major issue. I'm a big fan of going back and reading old news magazines to see how badly they got things wrong. While the stories seem so crisp, clear and definite at the time of publication, humans often mistake conviction and certitude for being right. If this 'expert' says this is what it means and that is what is going to happen, who are we to question? Never mind that it turned out entirely differently than predicted. It was presented with utmost confidence. That's why reading old analysis pieces is such a hoot.

Ideally, an analysis piece will be a well researched, carefully investigated and balanced. But I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you. In these days of immediate media, the need to get the story out is a higher priority than getting it right. (You can always run a retraction or correction later.)

This is where the 'it's not a Machiavellian plot, but business' comes into play. In recent years, the media has leaned more and more toward presenting news in a narrative style and using more and more analysis. Simply stated, news is more interesting and entertaining when presented this way. It's becoming info-tainment. The competition for your attention in our multimedia overload world makes the shift understandable. This especially applies to articles and news television shows trying to trigger your tribal monkey. It's a good way to attract viewers, readers and advertisers.

It's here that you'll find a lot of the stuff I'm going to be talking about creeping in -- but hiding under the guise of 'news.' Part of this tracks back to the need to get information out quickly. You can fill a lot of space and air time by stuffing these tricks into your 'featured news story of the hour' or article.

And this brings us to the next category. The opinion/editorial (op/ed) piece.

An opinion/editorial article is about persuasion. As in high school debate team persuasive speech (oratory ) competition. Wikipedia explains persuasive speech as "to change, reinforce or instill the attitudes, beliefs and values of the audience." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Individual_events_%28speech%29 ) Any reputable newspaper, television station or magazine will clearly identify such segments as commentary. And yes, there are entire shows predicated on the entertaining opinions of a particular pundit. They have higher ratings than straight news.

The slickest op/ed is the one that pretends to be news or an analysis about a subject. This, so you think you're getting accurate information and news -- instead of someone trying to persuade you of something. The fact is, when it is identified as an op/ed piece, that's perfectly OK. Basically, you know the writer is sharing his or her opinion and trying to get a reaction from you. It's done within the editorial and professional journalistic standards of the source.

The problem is the number of people who assume an op/ed article is actually a 'straight' news source. (It isn't.) But because of the shift to narrative news and analysis, it is easier to blur the lines and to sell such segments as "the news," when they are not 'straight,' 'just the facts, ma'am,' news stories.

We now come to blogging -- an Internet phenomenon that covers a wide spectrum of information and opinion. I've seen it done in a more professional and informed way than many media outlets. I've seen it so paranoid and ranting that the writer needs to be put into a padded room. Blogging can also be a housewife telling you about her baby's progress. A whole lot of blogging is basically op/ed without meeting the professional standards or conditions of journalism. There is no need to present any alternative points of view. And a lot of blogging is juicy and emotional to hook folks, who think a certain way, and get them all fired up and tribal. It is pure cherry picking of facts and often outright attacks on the hated 'them.'

Once again, people can mistake blogging for news because often they hear about a event or story from a blogger, comic or pundit. What's coming to them is filled with opinion, slant, bias edited facts and, often, outright attacks and condemnation. Here's a hint folks: Neither Rush Limbaugh nor Bill Maher are reliable news sources. Same goes for various articles in the Huffington Post or a Glenn Beck commentary.

Now, I'm of the opinion that the media brought their lack of credibility on themselves by blurring the lines between news, analysis and op/ed to fill space and air time, as well as sell more info-tainment than the more boring straight news. Actual investigative journalism? Takes too long. Find a pundit and stick him in front of the camera or quote him to fill time and space. This, of course, when the writer isn't filling it with the tricks, twists and spin methods that I'm going to talk about.

And BTW, if you think there is no credibility issue with the media, I have a simple test: Fox News or New York Times? Which one of those caused a "well, of course" reaction and which one caused a "those idiots" response? Credibility issue? Or does it go deeper than that and into the realm of your tribal monkey? A monkey that accepts your sources as credible, but not the sources of 'those people?' Pander to one tribe, and you lose credibility with others.

There's also something you should know about most news. It makes really boring television. Explosions, car crashes, fires, shoot outs, those are exciting. A city council meeting over a bond issue, not so much. So what the news media does best is report conflict. Basically via the electronic media (TV and cable) you get 10 seconds of straight news, then you get 20 seconds of opposing sides trying to tell you why they're right about the issue. The story is about the conflict.

Another time filler is the human interest aspect (how the people involved 'feel'), the history or follow up. If there' has been a big news event, the local media can keep it going for years. Here in Denver, the local news channels are still running 'related' stories about the Columbine High School shootings, even though they occurred in 1999. Naturally, they have to do a back story in case you forgot about it. (So they show video of the killers running around with guns.) Exciting time filler, that. How are the families coping all these years later? Not exactly news.

The reason all this is an issue is it has conditioned us to think that news comes with 'expert' opinions, human interest and related 'stories.' We don't even notice when we're being fed 'filler' material, instead of "just the facts" of straight news. Much less when it's one-quarter news and three-quarters opinion.

So now that I've probably bored you to tears with all this background information and explanations, let's look at a list of ways to spot bias -- especially our own.

Adverbs and adjectives -- These modifiers are somewhat like subliminal advertising. Back in the late '70s, I trained myself to start seeing subliminal manipulation in advertising. That was the stuff advertisers were putting in ads that didn't register on your consciousness, but -- hopefully -- subconsciously affected your behavior. There was a law about doing anything as overt as editing theatrical movies. That's where a film would be edited, inserting a single frame of an image of popcorn or a soft drink. This image would go by so fast, the viewer never consciously saw it. But in theory, the viewer would get a craving to go to the refreshment stand and buy stuff. Years of psychological research have pretty well proved that subliminal advertising is less than effective (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subliminal_stimuli ) -- at least if you're not already predisposed.

But back then, the advertising companies were pouring a lot of money into the idea. Because of that law, though, they couldn't be obvious about it. So tricks like airbrushing vague and not-so vague images into the larger images in print ads became common. When I was researching the subject, I would look at an ad, and something in my subconscious would twitch. That was the signal to start looking for the hidden images. My personal fave was the booze ad that had what looked to be a guy in a suit looking up at a noose in the ice cubes. Coincidence? Not likely. Overt enough to get challenged in court? Nope. Not that, either.

I tell you this because there's something really similar going on with slanting a news article. The best way to manipulate people is through the use of strong adverbs and adjectives. If you believe in what the author is 'selling,' you won't even notice them. They will slide under your radar. If you disagree, they're going to piss you off. But odds are, you won't know why. That's because it's a kind of subliminal, even though it's right there in plain sight.

For example, 'Police shoot suspect' vs. 'Police brutally shoot suspect.' One word and it colors everything. Even if the rest of the article is straight news, the biases have been activated, and they will color your perception of the story. Some of these word choices can be ham handed (like 'brutally'), others can be subtle. If you already think the cops are oppressors, enforcers of the power elite or just ignorant knuckle draggers on power trips, then 'brutally' is going to reconfirm your bias. To the point that you think 'brutally' is part of the news. If you're a cop (or related to one), the insult has been given and the conclusion made that it's not going to be a fair and accurate reporting of the event. We are emotionally swayed by one adverb.

That's an obvious example, but a lot of times use of adjectives and adverbs is more subtle. So subtle, in fact, this manipulation can be seen where something is mentioned and not mentioned. Like the Newsweek article I read that insisted on identifying every Republican senator as Republican each time that person was mentioned. Conversely, the political affiliation of Democratic senators was only mentioned in passing -- if at all. The article read like this: Senator John Smith and Senator John Doe (R) are in disagreement over this issue.

This may not sound like much, but think of it in terms of tribalism. That (R) is a scarlet letter. It's not a senator, it's one of THOSE people. The only real senators are the ones of your party. The (R) basically means every Democratic reader presupposes that Senator John Doe is wrong for disagreeing with their good guy, John Smith.

Train yourself to be sensitive to adverbs and adjectives. This, whether you agree with them or not. The ones you agree with are the hardest to spot. Yet they also are the most important ones for you to start recognizing. Unless, of course, your definition of being intelligent and informed is "I allow myself to be emotionally manipulated and drink the Kool-Aid."

Hot button words and phrases -- Let's just start with two big ones here in the U.S. -- liberal and conservative. You just mention either of these terms and the brains of a lot of folks -- if they're in an MRI machine -- will light up like a pinball machines. Thing is, you don't need an MRI to see that glazed-over, emotional, dogmatic expression creep over someone's face when those parts of the brain kick in.

There are a lot more hot buttons than just those two. Thing about hot button words or phrases is they have a lot of attached baggage, history and cant. No, I didn't leave out an apostrophe. Cant can be used as a noun or a verb, but both refer to "hypocritical and sanctimonious talk, typically of a moral, religious or political nature." Using hot button words kicks people into their monkey brains. That's where not only cant seems reasonable, but you get all kinds of presuppositions and dogma attached.

Racism, sexism, education, discrimination, sexual harassment, feminism, domestic violence, abortion, global warming, climate change, creationism vs. evolution, peaceful protest and oppression -- all are hot button words and phrases. You can think of these as the new cry to holy war. These, in fact, have become new 'religions' for many folks. People react to these terms with a fever that eclipses their reaction to religion in our modern, Western world.

But even if someone isn't a true believer, he or she will react emotionally to these hot button terms. Usually because they've been burned by them. Negative experience comes in three basic forms. One is being attacked by someone using this rhetoric (e.g., getting torn into by a social harpy for daring to question the dogma of these new religions). Two is having been accused and hauled before the inquisitors. Three, they're the inquisitors swinging into action to protect the company from possible legal action from such an allegation.

Yeah, funny how we're too smart to act this way about religion anymore. But we will react over these new causes. Pretty much anytime these phrases are used, people's rational minds shut down and their brains go into the emotional patterns the MRI reveals. Knowing this, learn to spot hot button terms and pay close attention to how fast they show up (like in the headline or lead [first] paragraph of an article).

Name calling -- Closely related to adjectives, but it is a far more direct and open attack. You may say to yourself -- if you're edjamukated -- "Ah an ad hominen." While name calling is often used as a logical fallacy, an ad hominem is 'His points are invalid because he's a douchebag.' Name calling is just calling him a douchebag.

A lot of attacks go hand in glove with hot button terms. For example, calling a particular politician a racist or a socialist. These are vague, unsubstantiated accusations, not facts. Yet our tribal monkey will grab onto them as proof of why we shouldn't like this person (we'll come back to this point later).

Still other terms are just flat out insults, accusations, condemnations or judgments. Take, for example, calling someone 'ignorant.' Here's a good one from the icon of the warm and fuzzy, Mahatma Ghandi: "Many people, especially ignorant people, want to punish you for speaking the truth, for being correct, for being you."

By implication, anyone who disagrees with your 'version of truth' (we'll get to that in a second) is ignorant. It also isn't just a disagreement with what you are saying, it's a personal condemnation of you for being you, as well. That's what those evil bastards are about. They are out to get you, to punish you. Aside from the paranoia and self-righteousness, look at what else is happening. Without having to bother with actually proving that your idea works, you're right, they're wrong. Those ignorant meanies. They deserve what they get. (Quick, can you spot the tribal monkey? Name calling is a big step in the process.)

"Well, it isn't an attack if it's the truth" is the most common form of self-justification for this behavior. No, it's an attack, plain and simple. If you have to figure out a justification as to why it isn't -- like telling yourself that it's 'the truth' without proof -- you're in your emotional monkey brain. You are doing exactly what the Emory study demonstrated.

That brings us to the next two forms of bias.

Moralistic and 'right or wrong' judgment -- If you judge things from the standard of right or wrong, most of what you are doing is subjective interpretation. Not just based on cultural paradigms, but your own beliefs, biases and ingrained assumptions.

A lot of people do this as a kind of mental shorthand to get through life. In many ways, it follows the old saying, "A conclusion is where most people get tired of thinking." Here's the booger about that, a moral judgment allows you not to think about the complexities of the subject anymore. Or if you do, it's just to reconfirm your bias. This, whether your judgment is good or bad. It's black and white. You've made a judgment, you're right, they're wrong. That's that.

Take, for example, gay marriage. If you judge it to be wrong, you get to shut down your brain and take a vacation from actually looking at the complexities of the issues that arise from real life, e.g., legal status, insurance, heath care decisions, inheritance and all the other matters that are addressed by two-person unions in our society. If you judge it to be right, you get to feel morally superior, smarter, and more compassionate and understanding than those ignorant wretches who oppose it on religious grounds. (Yep, I just demonstrated name calling. But, more than that, did you noticed that being judgmental and righteous is a two-way street?)

Now this version of spin is seldom overtly stated as "we're right, they're wrong." But it serves as an underlying foundation of a lot of editorials and blogs. It even serves as the foundation of the Ghandi quote. Use of hot button (and judgmental) terms such as 'truth' and 'correct' flat out ignore the fact they are more subjective than we'd like to believe.

How subjective? For example, in the West, the way many Muslim cultures treat women is considered wrong and oppressive. Yet, when approached with the idea of change, many Muslim women resist because they think their cultural values are true and correct.

Pay close attention to our inclination to be judgmental rather than rational. It opens the door for all kinds of manipulation by people who know how to exploit this tendency. Make no mistake, there are folks whose profession it is to manipulate your tribal monkey along these lines.

Idealistic appeal to compassion or superior values -- This has become the new form of moral superiority. Believing you're morally superior because you worship the right god (or the correct version) is soooooo old school. Now, if you don't support the right social cause, attempt to save the world or hold certain ideals, you're wrong, ignorant or part of the problem. In other words, the person who does ascribe to them is better than you. Don'tcha know?

Man, I am so going to lose sleep over the fact I'm not socially conscious enough.

The thing is, we, as humans, are designed to care for and cooperate with those inside our tribe. Outside our tribe, not so much. This creates some stress within our modern lifestyle.

On one hand, our modern world is based on getting past this small tribal attitude, getting together and working with others to form a bigger tribe. (Hint: The concept of 'nationalism' didn't come about until the French Revolution.)

On the other hand, many people have trouble with how far some folks are willing to take the idea that we're all one big happy family that needs to care for each other. Just how big is this uber-tribe supposed to be? Where do we draw the line? For example, PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals)and old school ecologists would have you believe animals and trees are in your tribe, too. That's what using the term 'murdering' implies. They'll tell you we're murdering animals and trees. That is their 'truth.' (Beginning to see why truth can be so subjective?)

The human tendency to show compassion can be exploited. It's bias if there's an underlying assumption that you have to support an idea because it's for the 'good of the children,' will help society or the cause opposes something that is wrong (e.g., racism, inequality of wealth, etc.) If you don't support these noble ideals, you're an insensitive, unenlightened prick -- who's probably part of the problem. See how fast name calling and tribalism show up?

You also can get a target painted on your chest if you suggest that maybe -- just maybe -- there should be a few practical checks and balances put onto the 'solutions' these folks are suggesting. How could you be so cold-hearted not to approve unlimited funding for this 'crisis?' Or from the flip side, not willing to give unchecked power and money to protect our 'way of life.'

You should know this is a real common tactic when it comes to shutting down discussion on the practical considerations of where such noble attitudes will lead. For example, 'education is for the good of the children.' How good, how noble, how virtuous. How dare you ask about financial oversight, disclosure and accountability as to how the money is going to be used by the school system. If you want to get caught in the dragon's flame suggest that someone is making a career out of educational crisis.

As you can guess, appealing to noble and virtuous ideals is a core element in editorials and blogs. As is condemning those who don't support the source's particular version of what constitutes 'compassion' or patriotic and virtuous ideals.

Creative editing of quotes or video -- "The pen is mightier than the sword." Heard it. Know it. Right?

Ever heard the full quote? "Under men entirely great, the pen is mightier than the sword." Not even a period, but a comma divides the qualifier from the rest of the quote. Folks must presuppose they're 'entirely great' to drop that important qualifier. Personally, I'm under no such delusion. I'd really rather go into a fight with a sword instead of a pen, but that's just me.

In the media, you can really make someone seem like a horrible, evil wretch by taking a quote out of context or only quoting part of what he or she said. That's also the problem with sound bites, you don't always get the bigger picture.

For example, if I take a sound bite and throw in a lot of adjectives, adverbs, hot button words and appeal to your superior social consciousness, I can make anybody sound like a racist. This is important because if that person is from another tribe (or political party), you'll immediately believe it -- especially if your tribe has negative beliefs about the others. You may not even know the person, but, because he or she is from the other tribe, you'll buy the racist allegation hook, line and sinker.

I mentioned painting a public figure as racist because of a comment he or she made. Two points about that.

First, realistically, if you look at these *cough, cough* news stories, what you will find is the specific comment made by the candidate, and the rest of the story will be quotes from people saying he or she is racist. That, and the outrage and furor such people are causing. Ninety-nine percent of the story isn't about what the person said, it's about the outrage. You might find a story that is 98 percent because it includes the public figure clarifying or apologizing. But I wouldn't hold my breath if the source is hunting that person's scalp.

Second is my response to my conservative friends who tell me Obama is a socialist. "I don't personally know the man, so I don't know that for sure." It's true. I don't know the guy. I've never had a chance to sit down, have a cup of coffee and talk about what either of us believe. As such, everything I hear about him being a socialist is hearsay. Usually by people who don't like the guy. (Oh yeah, this works both ways. It's easy for his supporters to call his detractors racist. Although all the detractors I've personally dealt with are way more up tight about his being a Democrat than his race.) Stop and think about this behavior from folks who are posting blog pieces about candidates being racists or closet communists. And hearsay and blogs being accepted as truth by tribal monkeys.

Half quotes and a lot of opining by people who weren't actually there (or know the person) are real common ways to present bias as 'news.'

In these days of cameras in phones and Youtube, you're also going to see a video version of edited information. What you will see is only the most exciting parts. That is to say, the parts that will get you emotional, excited and direct your thinking down a certain path (especially if the commentary is filled with adjectives, adverbs and outrage).

I'll go back to the old days and talk about the Rodney King beating. The 'beating video' lasts about a minute-and-a-half. All you see is one dude getting a beat down from the cops. It is infuriating. The full video ... well, that's kind of interesting. Modern sources talk about it being nine or 12 minutes But I -- who was living in LA during the incident, the trial, the riots and the federal trials -- seem to remember it as 18 minutes.

I often say about the first trial that the jury saw the whole tape (which they did). By the end of it, they were saying, "Give me the club, I'm going to beat him myself!" (This is hyperbole, but they didn't convict the officers.)

Not too many people have actually seen the full tape. Nor do they understand use of force policies. As fucked up as that situation was, there is a reason the officers were acquitted. At the time, that was use of force policy for the LAPD (Los Angeles Police Department (incidentally, it's one of the many reasons why I don't like PPCT). Tasers had failed. A chokehold could have ended it much earlier, but those had been prohibited by the LAPD since Ron Sutter. Shooting him wasn't justified. Did you notice I just gave you more factual information about why the officers were acquitted than you've probably ever heard before? And since I'm clarifying things, the federal charges were not about excessive force and assault, but civil rights. So technically it wasn't double jeopardy. (Although we can argue about it being politically motivated and placating people who demanded punishment for the 'wrong' -- there's that idea again -- the officers did.)

The full clip, information about use of force policies and suddenly the acquittal makes more sense. That short video mixed with the officer acquittal, however, resulted in Los Angeles burning. The rioters had made their minds up based on edited information.

Whenever you see a video clip, the first thing you want to do is look for adjectives and hot button terms in the title or the explanation. What is this person trying to sell you as the 'truth' that the clip supposedly proves? While you're at it, the first time you watch it, do it with the sound off. This, especially with cell phone camera footage. Often the commentary of the filmer is emotional and slanted.

Then ask yourself, what parts of the video are not being shown? If you really want to be daring, try finding the longest recording you can of the incident. You'd be amazed at how often the full video undermines the 'poor, sweet, innocent victim' image you get from the short clip.

This brings us to the next grouping on our list of spinning the facts, slants and agendas.

Exclusion, editing of salient points and pertinent facts -- This isn't just 'my mind's made up, don't confuse me with the facts.' I'm talking about legitimate and arguably intentional exclusion by the source of information pertinent to the issue.

Let's talk about health care. Let's talk about the 'value of human life' in nuts-and-bolts terms. How much money should we spend to save a specific life? When it's someone you love, the sky's the limit. It also can be when you're the one with the fatal disease. Then, no amount of money is too much. The same goes if you're an uber-tribalist (we're all one 'family'). But when you're talking about unlimited spending for hundreds of millions of U.S. citizens that can get a little pricey. That is something that doesn't come up in the 'for' arguments, but it certainly comes up in the arguments 'against.' When it does or someone attempts to limit expenditures, he or she is accused of trying to kill people in the name of greed.

If a source is for (or against) something, information that would weaken that position will be left out of what he or she is telling you. You can pretty much take that to the bank. This is a very good reason to read sources that are diametrically opposed to your normal perspective. If you're a liberal, try watching Fox. If you're a conservative, try reading the New York Times. If you can get past the name calling and adjectives each uses against your cherished ideals, you'll find a lot of information on the issue that your regular sources aren't reporting.

Guilt by association -- This is particularly common in politics. First recognize an important point: Just because you disagree with the standards of a group doesn't mean the right of its members to vote should be stripped away. Nor does it mean that politicians have no business listening or talking to them. They too are U.S. citizens. A political office holder is duty bound to represent and work for the needs of everyone, not just those who voted for him.

Second, when you hear the condemnation, accusations and disgust expressed by pundits, bloggers and opinion piece writers over a politician talking to or being supported by an organization, you're seeing guilt by association. Usually association with a group that is synonymous with a hot button term. This is the justification to dismiss, condemn and despise the candidate who dares to oppose your good, just and noble candidate. I remember the sense of outrage that certain circles felt because the mayor met with gang representatives over a police shooting. Oddly enough, the same folks who strongly support the idea of a mayor talking to gang members are in turn outraged and disgusted when the American Nazis and the Klu Klux Kan support a candidate. And oh mah gawd, what if he belongs to a religion I don't approve of?

Glittering generalities -- This is both a big warning signal and a common tactic. The term 'glittering generality' is one my wife coined. We all know what a generality is, but a glittering one is that which sounds good, but has no real substance.

Glittering generalities work because everyone thinks they know what they mean. This functions on what I like to call 'framework thinking.' That means someone is saying something that is actually very vague, but you to fill in the details about what you think he means.

A good example is 'it's for the children.' Another one is 'Christian values.' (Sorry, folks, but there are more than 3,000 different sects of Christianity with many different values, ethics, ways of worship and beliefs.) But you use these terms and people just eat them up. To each of these terms, we ascribe our own values, significance and meaning. So the guy who is using such terms is framing the house, but you add the plumbing, electric, drywall, etc., etc., all the while thinking he's the one who built it.

Once again, the hardest bias to spot is your own. This, especially when it comes to the details you fill in on someone else's glittering generality. Be a pest, ask the person to actually define what he means by his statements. This, instead of his expecting you to do all the work of figuring out what he means.

Criticism instead of complaint -- A complaint is a legitimate communication about a specific injury or wrong. It is communication about something that can be remedied. A criticism is a generalized condemnation and a personal attack. It's not seeking to fix a particular problem, it's about blaming the other person for ... well ... everything. It's not about what a person did, it's about him or her in an overall sense of being wrong. While it may be initiated on a particular subject or quote, it quickly leaves that and becomes both condemning and generalized, e.g., you always do (fill in the blank). There is nothing the person can do about it. The condemnation is now and forever.

Some criticisms become so entrenched and dogmatic that a hot button term is all it takes. If the person is a known liberal or conservative, pointing that out isn't news. Calling him that is being used as a condemnation and criticism -- at least to people from the other tribes.

Think I'm making this up? 'Conservative icon Rush Limbaugh.' Does anyone over 5 years old not know who he is? Why does he need to be identified and labeled? If you buy into the liberal camp, one hot button word and noun (icon) not only condemns everything he has to say, but also the retards who listen to him. (The irony of that is how much he uses the same techniques to trigger folk's monkey brain reactions about 'liberals.') I don't have to criticize someone for being a narrow-minded, bigoted, greedy bastard -- all I have to do is sneer when I say, "He's a conservative."

Another subtle version of criticism is the source ascribing results or motives. Usually these are subtly negative and tacked on at the end of facts. For example: The (fill in the blank) in the House are attempting to pass (insert bill number), which will cost American taxpayers millions. That is a fact followed by a criticism disguised as a fact. Realistically anything congress does is going to cost a few million dollars, so why this caveat except to criticize? Same thing goes for '(fill in the blank) are attempting to control the House.' Obviously it's wrong when the other side tries to do it, but right that your side is doing the same thing.

Hyperbole and grandiosity -- I recently read an article in a Canadian newspaper about a trial in Ontario involving a Afghan family members committing multiple honor killings. The article started with a bit of hyperbole. Speaking about the trial not just as a battle between Western jurisprudence and Sharia law, the so-called 'news source' declared the jury "held the moral fabric of Canada in their hands." When I mentioned the adjectives and adverbs, the person who sent me the link admitted that the Edmonton Sun was famous for that kind of hyperbole.

The situation was screwed up in all kinds of ways. First, there was polygamy involved (one of the deceased was the father's first wife). Second, four people were killed. Third, the 'wife' who was killed was in the country illegally. Fourth, all of her daughters also were killed by the father's other family. (Kinda financially convenient, eh?) I'm not entirely sure how Canadian law works, but I'm pretty sure even with a conviction, there is the right of appeal to higher courts. As such, the fate of the nation isn't a decision made by 12 people not smart enough to get out of jury duty. It was, however, a pretty solid murder conviction. But c'mon, one decision that saved an entire country? Much less that the verdict was -- and I quote -- an 'heroic' stand against 'the cold-blooded and twisted customs of foreign lands.' That's a little over the top, don'tcha think?

Hyperbole and grandiosity are closely related to another point that's coming. But this particular story has something that is pretty unique unto itself. If you live in Edmonton or even Alberta, you know the Sun is pretty 'tabloidish.' Except this 'news' story was sent to me, not only over the Internet, but posted on my Facebook page as 'news.' In short, I had no way of knowing if the Sun was a legitimate news source, a supermarket rag or an e-zine. The use of adverbs, adjectives and hyperbole tipped me off that the story wasn't straight news. And surprise, surprise, even the Edmonton Sun filed it under op/ed. Still I had to research the tabloid nature of the paper. How many 'news' items you receive over the Internet do you actually check to see if they are news, a feature, op/ed or blogs? Or do you just assume it's actual news?

Freight train thinking -- There is an old story about a famous 'rocket scientist,' who went to speak at one of the big technology schools. (I've heard both MIT and Cal Tech cited.) After his lecture, there came the usual question-and-answer period. Those of you old enough to have lived through this will understand the following: A gender feminist stood up and 'asked,' given the male fixation with their penises, isn't it obvious that rockets are built in the shape of men's biggest obsession? The lecturer responded, "We tried to make rockets in the shape of vaginas, but they weren't aerodynamically sound."

Some say that story is apocryphal, others say it actually happened to (insert scientist's name here). Still others say it is an outright lie to make feminism look bad. (Three guesses who says this.) That's not the point, the point is this story represents a good example of what I like to call 'freight train thinking.'

That is where someone tries to attach hot button topics to everything. This can be a Johnny One Note or it can be someone who tries to attach everything -- including the kitchen sink -- to a subject. Let's stick with the Johnny One Note because he's easier to explain. With such folks, the entire universe is filtered through one perspective. It's not that it always comes back to the topic. It's that this particular person is incapable of ever leaving the subject. As Winston Churchill once said a "fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."

The seeming credibility of the vagina-shaped rocket story comes from not just our tendency to want to think badly of those from another tribe, but also bad personal experiences with Johnny One Notes of the RadFem persuasion. (Or maybe I should say Jenny One Notes).

Odds are good you've met someone who does freight train thinking. Someone who always manages to bring it back to the same old thing by attaching it to every subject. What you may not realize is how much freight train thinking plays in the business of blogs, media commentators and show hosts. You see it all the time, but, unless you're aware of it, you won't even notice it. And this is kind of scary because it's become a staple in so-called 'news.'

In what turned out to be rather predictive about the direction the electronic media was heading, James Fallows in his 1997 book, Breaking The News, talks about the requirements of constantly staying in front of the public eye. Although he doesn't refer to it as such, the person in front of the camera (or the blogger) needs to develop a 'shtick.' For those of you who don't speak Yiddish, a shtick is a theme or gimmick that specifically identifies a comic (e.g., Ron White with his cigar and bourbon or Gabriel Iglesias's voices).

In essence, nobody can be an expert on everything. Furthermore, you can't really research a subject thoroughly in one day, much less actually investigate it. There are certain topics that take years of study before you can talk intelligently about the complexities and variables. Yet this person needs to appear informed by airtime.

At the same time, we have become used to 24-hour-a-day news and accustomed to googling news stories we hear about. In short, if we want to know about something -- even if it's breaking news -- we expect to have the information immediately. That source better be on it or we'll go elsewhere.

These two factors play heavily into both the shtick media personalities must develop and freight train thinking. Constantly remaining in the public view while maintaining the 'credibility' of being informed and intelligent is no easy task. This is especially true when you are expected to opine intelligently on whatever issue is involved in the current breaking news.

One way to do this -- and why the term shtick is appropriate -- is through comedy. No matter what is occurring, a few witty remarks about it, and people will think you're informed, intelligent and up-to-date with current events. Bill Maher, Jay Leno, Conan O'Brian and Johnny Carson are examples of this.

Another way of doing this is to always have a shtick to come back to no matter what the subject. A shtick that is pretty much freight train thinking because it attaches itself to the subject and takes it a particular direction. For example, no matter what the issue, the question of "how will the White House respond to this crisis?" will fill air time and make the commentator look intelligent and concerned. That's the media celebrity's shtick.

The freight train thinking is that it's the White House's problem in the first place. Then comes the whole Democrat/Republican tribal thing and whether you hate or love the current administration. That's the beauty of freight train thinking when it's done subtly, you're the one who attaches all the extra 'cars' onto the train. What you don't notice is how, with this commentator, it always comes back to the same old hot button issue or ideal.

Freight train thinking also can come in the form of attaching all kinds of other hot button issues and ideas to confuse the issue. Train yourself to be aware of both when you're doing it and when it's being done to you.

Logical fallacies -- At last, the final item on the list. Except there is a thundering herd of different logical fallacies.

It is a subject that is well worth acquainting yourself with because you'll see these a lot in the media, on the Internet and in the words of someone trying to persuade you. I'm particularly fond of referring people to the Nizkor Project ( http://www.nizkor.org/features/fallacies/ ) for an simplified explanation of an often complex subject. In fact, once you've acquainted yourself with them take a look at this article again and see if you can spot how they relate to spinning facts and information (e.g., name calling is a Siamese twin to an ad hominen).

Let's just deal with three of the most common to give you a taste: Strawman -- Here's a hint, never 'learn' what someone's position is from that person's opponent. In other words, do not think you are going to get an accurate interpretation of the Democratic or Republican platform from the Republicans or Democrats. What you will be receiving is a distorted, twisted and edited version so that side can knock the bejeebers out of it. The stomping of the distorted version is known as a strawman argument. (Socrates was good at this.) It's the intellectual equivalent of kicking a cripple, after you've crippled him.

Slippery slope -- I also like to call this 'rock slide' thinking. This tiny little pebble -- if thrown down the mountain side -- will cause a rock slide of biblical proportions, crushing the tiny hamlet of Western civilization. Sound like hyperbole? That's what slippery slope thinking is. If we allow this one tiny issue to occur, the world as we know it will end. Really. Truly. It will happen if we allow this behavior or we don't stop this bill from passing.

Take, for example, all the gunfights that will constantly happen in the streets with the passage of legislation that makes it easier to get concealed carry permits. Not seen any lately? Too bad. Because that was the slippery slope argument that was used against concealed carry. If people were allowed to carry handguns, our streets would turn into the Wild West.

Appeal to fear -- A lot could be said about how our society has been conditioned to be afraid. Fear is an emotion. Emotional people are easy to manipulate. If I trigger your fears, you'll pretty much agree to anything, including my sending you at someone else like a wind-up pit bull (or agreeing to someone else doing it).

Now that's rather ham handed. But there are lots of other, far more subtle fears to which I can appeal. For example, if I start telling you about all the deaths and brain injuries of children riding bicycles, I really don't have to sell you on buying a child's helmet from me. You'll sell yourself.

Those are only three, there are lots more logical fallacies you'll learn to recognize.

I know this has been a long article, but, like pretty much anything involving human beings, it's a complicated subject. A subject that many of us just want to be simple. We're the good guys. They're the bad guys. We're right, they're wrong. How much more complicated can it be?

The answer is lots.

Our desire to simplify life and revert to tribal 'rules' and beliefs makes it easy for us to be manipulated. Make no mistake, media, advertising and politics are professionals at manipulating you. It's their job, so to speak. And the most effective type of manipulation not only works with how our brains are designed to function, but also plays with getting you to think you are thinking.

Take this information and start looking for the biases, slants, manipulation and out right spin doctoring of anything being sent your way. You'll start seeing it everywhere, even in things you believe in. That's an important step in actually communicating with and compromising with people who believe differently than you.

This, instead of acting like a bunch of pissed off tribal monkeys screaming and throwing shit at each other from different trees.

M

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Why I despise "I'd rather be judged by twelve than carried by six"

I'd rather be judged by 12, than carried by six ...

When someone mouths this cliché, I have a hard time keeping my cool. Because most people's understanding of the concept means the next 12 people they come across will be the 12 dudes raping them in the prison showers.

Now, I really don't care about the person who's saying it getting gang raped. As far as I'm concerned, he called it down on himself. I do have a problem with the prison showers happening to the innocent person who:
a) didn't know any better
b) listened to the bozo.

The 12/6 dictum is primarily the brain child of Col. Jeff Cooper, founder of Gunsite. The colonel's military background strongly influenced his concepts of shooting -- including when to shoot and when to stop. A particularly hotly debated issue is the wisdom of training military style shooting in a civilian context. Basically, the rules of engagement (ROE) are different.

It was often felt the colonel's perspective ignored the legal consequences in a civilian context -- in the name of ending a potential threat. The 12/6 'response' lends credence to this contention.

The 12/6 is a pity counter that is often used to dismiss a critical 'reality' about the consequences of violence. It's also the difference between self-defense and prison time. I don't know if the colonel used it as such, but I certainly will attest that is how a lot of folks use it today.

I can give you a really good example of the differences between civilian and military tactics and how they viewed in different contexts. Good because it is often taught in civilian shooting and concealed carry classes. *And* it is court tested.

Someone breaks into your house in the middle of the night. Your children are screaming, and he bursts into your room waving a shotgun. You shoot him. He falls down and drops the shotgun. As you pass him to go check on your children -- having kicked the dropped shotgun away from him -- he growls, "I'm going to kill you." You put two more rounds into him and go see if your children are safe.

This is important -- that double tap IS following infantry protocol of passing a downed combatant. You take the fight out of him by killing him right there. That is what soldiers are taught to do and really ingrain on the battlefield. They do it without thinking as a survival protocol in combat.

Except in a civilian context, you've just committed manslaughter. And if the DA is really gung ho, he's going to try for murder charges. That's because the immediate danger had passed when you shot him as he was lying on the floor. Yes, he threatened you, but he was not an immediate danger to you anymore. (People get the term 'threat' confused because it generally means danger in a legal context, but something else in popular language.) He cannot act upon his threat to kill you. So you are not legally justified in shooting an unarmed man lying incapacitated on the ground for what he says.

Google Jerome Ersland. The Oklahoma pharmacist was convicted of Murder 1 because he came back and shot a downed robber. Now, realistically, Ersland's shooting did not conform to the military rules of engagement, either. To see it as such, you'd have to turn your head and squint.

Infantry rules of engagement are if the guy is in front of you, he's a hostile combatant. As such, you tap him as you pass. Once you've passed him, however, he is now a prisoner requiring medical assistance.

Once Ersland passed the dude, he was no long a combatant -- even by military standards. Yes, returning put him back in front of Ersland. That is -- arguably -- where the military training kicked in, mixed with adrenaline and combat trauma. There will be some debate if shooting the downed guy would have been overlooked on the battlefield. What we can say for certain is it wasn't overlooked in the pharmacy -- especially because it was caught on video. Now you can argue "well, what if the guy went for the gun again" all you want. But the raw fact is he *didn't*. You can only act in 'self-defense' in response to what is happening. *Not* what might happen. If there is no immediate 'threat', it's not self-defense.

This even applies in British common law where -- if you sincerely believe an attack is imminent -- you can act pre-emptively. But even this has limits. If the guy is in your face and snarls he's going to kick your ass, then yes. You can reasonably argue your pre-emptive strike was self-defense. If, however, the guy is standing -- not advancing, standing -- four feet away and does the same thing, your closing the distance to slug him isn't going to play well. (Under adrenal stress and spatial distortion, you had damned well better believe you're likely to step up, try to hit him, and not realize you did.)

Someone once said, "War is a thinking man's game." So too is self-defense. Unfortunately the way "I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six" is often used, it is an emotional and dangerous cliché. Used that way, it is not a thought out and rational conclusion.

Everything I've stated thus far is based on pretty much confirmable facts. (Ask a lawyer or read some law books.) Now my opinion, based on some more facts. I'll qualify them. F = fact; O = my opinion.

Violence is often the result of out-of-control emotions (F). Society has become less tolerant of violence (O). Many people, who engage in participatory violence, claim what they were doing was 'self-defense' (F). Many actually believe it. (O). This tendency to claim and believe an attack was 'self-defense' has 'peed in the pool' when it comes to cops and prosecutors believing such a claim (O). Self-defense is an affirmative defense (F). You are confessing to an action that is normally a crime (F). This "I did it" does half of the DA's job -- specifically proving that you were the one who did it (F). When you plead self-defense the 'production of proof' shifts to you. (F). You must produce enough proof (articulation of actions, their significance, the reason why it was dangerous) to explain why your actions were -- in fact -- self-defense (F). This, instead of it was you giving into your emotions and committing illegal violence on another person (F). Your 'fear' is not enough, you must provide facts that demonstrate your fear was justified and reasonable given the circumstances (F).

The 12/6 motto is often used by people to skip all this legal mumbo jumbo and sophist crap and get to the most important of all things -- my feelings (O). If I'm scared, I'm going to act on my feelings and let the court sort it out (O). This, because I told myself I was about to die and that scared me so I killed him in 'self-defense' (O). Stop and think about that for a second. Because there is one hellaciously big abyss that we've stepped over without even blinking. Why is it bad when someone else kills because of their emotional and subjective state, but it's all right, A-OK, okey dokey when we do it? (O).

It has been my experience that most people who use the colonel's, "I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six" maxim are not only doing exactly that, but justifying that position -- and their ignorance of use of force law -- with that cliché.(O)

Oh BTW, although this is about shooting, you might also want to sit down and consider how it also applies to using 'military combatives' and 'reality based self-defense' training (F).

M

Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Biggest Pre-Attack Indicator Of Them All

People are always asking me about pre-attack indicators Here is the #1 pre-attack indicator: YOU'RE BEING AN ASSHOLE!

With that simple line, I figured out something that has been bothering me for years. Something that it took Conflict Communications (http://www.conflictcommunications.com ) to put into perspective.

When it comes to violence, there has always been something about Gavin DeBecker's approach that bothered me. From a 'victimized by an asocial predator' perspective, it made sense. People knew something was wrong, but they didn't want to appear rude. They allowed the bad guy to develop the situation, and bad things happened. OK, no problem, no disagreement. Seen it happen.

Except I've seen a lot of violence in my life. And like 1970s porn -- where an incredibly hot chick just decides to jump some stranger's bones -- that isn't how things usually happen.

Yes, there is one-sided predation out there. But like the difference between porn and the real world, there's a difference between DeBecker's model and most violence. In order for violence to happen, things are interactive, slower to develop, and there are a lot of things you can do to keep it from occurring. It's also more participatory.

When it comes to the way violence happens, this I have seen -- not just more of but a thunderin' herd more.

Let's start with something I noticed back in the day when screwing up meant I'd be spitting blood. It's something that just whizzes past most people's self-awareness; not only in application, but in training, too, (which is kind of ironic when you think about how many instructors tout their emphasis on 'situational awareness').

That is: An overwhelming majority of violence comes with instructions on how to avoid it.

This isn't in some kind of obscure coded lingo. The directions are pretty straightforward and understandable. This applies to both social and asocial violence. (Read Rory Miller's version*, not the macho bastardization out there.) A resource predator (mugger) who sticks a gun in your face and says, "Gimme your wallet, or I'll blow your head off" is telling you how to keep from getting shot. Give him your wallet. Not too hard to figure out.

Someone who says, "Shut up or I'll kick your ass'" is giving you instructions on how NOT to be assaulted.

He is not, I repeat NOT, asking you to comment about his testicles on his mother's chin. Nor is someone who tells you, "You better leave" interested in hearing a dissertation on your right to be there or questioning him about who he thinks he is to tell you to leave -- or, of course, his sexual practices with his mother. While we're at it, the mugger with the gun isn't interested in your sharing your opinions with him, either.

(Keep this in mind. There will be a test later. A test, if you fail, will mean you're going to end up bleeding.)

Take a good hard look at your reactions. Nothing I mentioned is within the conditions set to avoid violence. Come to think of it, they're deliberate violations of such standards -- as well as being emotional, hostile and insulting. And these to a person who just told you what will happen if you don't changeyour behavior.

Not too smart is it?

But here's the problem. How do you tell people who pride themselves on being intelligent, self-aware, sophisticated, educated and in control of themselves that they're acting like pissed off monkeys?

And furthermore, how do you let them know that in tense situations this pissed-off monkey will take control of their consciousness and behavior at the worst possible time? And that -- no matter how smart or in control of yourself you think you are (sitting in comfort while reading this) -- you'll do this exact kind of emotional monkey brain behavior when you find yourself in a situation where the monkey feels threatened?

Rory likes to say, "If you think you are in control of yourself, you won't feel the need to exercise self-control." For once, I'm going to be more laconic and say, "We all get stupid when the monkey takes over."

The hardest part is recognizing our behavior for what it is. While there are several strategies we can follow when the monkey takes command, they ALL feel like the absolute, 100 percent right thing to do -- including being an aggressive, obnoxious asshole

There's an analogy that works here. Recognizing when you're being an asshole is like seeing the back of your own head. You can see it in others, but it takes specialized steps to see it in yourself.

I'm not talking about the trendy, pseudo-self-aware admission that you can be an asshole. I'm talking about being so self-righteous and certain of both what you are doing and what effect it will have -- you actively misinterpret the fact the dude is getting ready to throw you down the stairs.

Let me restress that point. It's not that you don't see it or choose to ignore it. You see it AND you react to it. But your reaction is in the suave, sophisticated and educated terms of: Fuck this other monkey! He thinks his dick is big enough to tell me what to do? I'll show his punk ass where it's at! My dick is way bigger!

And this, let me tell you, really sounds silly coming from a woman ...

But that is, in essence, the core of the message. Coming from either sex, it's immature, insecure, hostile and aggressive. And yet this is how the monkey views being challenged or threatened.

It doesn't hear the instructions on how to avoid violence as ... well ... instructions on how to avoid violence. It hears them as a challenge and threat to its status, self-esteem and as allowing him- or- herself to be bullied by an asshole. It tries to return the favor by engaging in the SAME behavior.

Except unlike the other guy (who is a complete asshole), your monkey will tell you YOUR behavior is perfectly justified and warranted. This is particularly ironic because in the classic game of 'escalato,' your monkey is going to raise the stakes by becoming even more insulting, obnoxious and threatening.

I've had to pull many a person off from eating someone's face while thinking to myself (about the other guy), "Where are you from that you DON'T expect to get assaulted for saying (or doing) what you just did?"

One of my favorite examples is when I talk about 'developing attack range' as being a serious pre-attack indicator. Oh, everyone now knows to look for the other guy trying to develop range in preparation for launching an attack. See how smart and aware they are? Well, yeah -- except who developed attack range by stepping up into the other dude's face and snarling a threat? It was them! They threw out the 'I'm about to attack you' signals by developing attack range.

And then they blame the other person for going ape shit on them.

Yeah ... right ...

Let me get this straight. Despite the fact you developed attack range, got up in someone's face and threatened him -- that person is supposed to use his psychic abilities to know you weren't really going to attack him? It's all the other guy's fault. More than that, I am supposed to accept the rationalizations that the only reasons you engaged in these behaviors was because you were afraid, felt threatened and your feelings were hurt?

Guess what? The cop ain't gonna buy it, either.

Yet, this is what happens when the monkey takes over. You can talk about situational awareness all you want as though it is some kind of external standard of danger -- which technically it can be -- but a far more important form of situational awareness is recognizing when there are two assholes involved in the situation. And you're one of them.

Do NOT presuppose you're being a good guy. Because when your monkey brain hijacks you and turns you into one of two assholes, you have zero situational awareness. Anger is going to blind you to warning signals and indicators FAR better than anything Gavin deBecker told you about your gift of fear.

M

*Either in "Facing Violence" or "Meditations On Violence"

Friday, December 30, 2011

Ruminations of an old bouncer

As I write this, it's been nearly 15 years since I was last shot at (I returned the favor that time).

It's been about 16 years since I last had someone try and ram a knife in my guts. It's been over 12 years since I've had to lay hands on someone to emphasize my point of "not going to happen!"

In my early 20s, I once sat down and tried to count all the physical altercations I'd been in. It was just under 100, and that was before I began a decade and a half of bouncing, bodyguard work, event security, corrections and other jobs -- where a bad day at work meant someone died.

But here's the thing. I wasn't being paid for physical violence. In fact, most of those jobs consisted of working my ass off to keep violence from happening. It was when it couldn't be talked down (or someone on your side did something REALLY stupid) that you'd have to go hands on. What made those jobs so 'special' was being covered in puke, blood, piss, shit and anything someone decided to throw on me. I dealt with drunks, druggies, homeless bums, hookers, MICAs (mentally ill chemically addicted), criminals, sex offenders, gang bangers, fanatics, rapists, killers and just general macho assholes wanting to engage in their stupid assholery.

Then, of course, there were all those medical emergencies, especially the wet and messy ones.

Then there came the times of walking into weird shit that made you want to laugh, throw up or just stunned you with the sheer "WTF are you doing?1?" I mean when you're told a pervert is in the bathroom, you walk in on him whacking off, you tell him to get the hell out and he asks, "Can I finish?" What do you say to that? This especially because he's still stroking his johnson and pointing it at you. Trust me, this situation is not covered in the manly-man manual.

Then there's all the trauma drama of working around low functioning people. Things that manifest in incidents like walking into a hotel at 3 a.m. with a drunk, passed out stripper slung over your shoulder and leaving her there because you're not going to let her sleep it off at your place. (No way in hell was I going to risk a false sexual assault charge in retaliation for  her getting fired for getting drunk at work.)

Or, at the end of a long hard shift, when all you want to do is go home, getting called over to  tell two bums having homosexual sex to get out of the bed of the owner's truck. 'Cause he wants to go home too, and they ain't coming with him. In any sense of the word.

Sure there's the good times, laughing and joking with your bros. I don't mean bros in the way that yuppee spawn use the term either. I mean, people whom you trust with your life, and they trust you with theirs. 'Going through a door' kind of trust. But there's also the screaming arguments when one of them does something stupid that could have gotten you killed or left you spitting blood.

There are also those wild, crazed rushes to get your bro to the hospital when it's so bad that you can't patch it up yourself. And there's attending funerals for those same brothers who got killed doing this stuff.

Then there was talking to the cops, federal marshals and FBI, the paperwork, lawyers and all that. But let's never forget the warm and fuzzy feeling of constantly watching your back, having to scan who's coming through the door, looking in the shadows of parking lots, watching for cars coming down the street with the windows rolled down and guns poking out. There's the automatic scans you do to see if anyone is silently coming at you with murder on his (or their) mind(s). Then there was the constant checking of your rear view mirror as you drive to make sure you're not being followed home when you know there is a contract out on your life. Or maybe it's someone else looking for revenge because of something you did to him or his family member.

See, it's not all about standing around, looking glamorous and being cool. Nor is it just about unleashing your mighty bad-assery on anyone who looks at you cross-eyed.

I've been spit on, cussed out, threatened, screamed at, called every name in the book and had them try to scratch my eyes out -- by men. Women are even worse when they lose it. I've spit blood, tasted blood and drank more coffee that would have tasted better when you it pissed it out.

And never let us forget long nights of staring into the darkness, freezing your ass off in some dark and desolate place or being bored off your ass looking at bricks and concrete. That's part of waiting for someone to make a run at you or what you're protecting.

Then there's fun jobs, hauling out the wetvac when some drunk has spewed the night's drinking all over the place. Sometimes, they reach the bathroom; sometimes, they don't. And then there are the times when someone pisses and shits all over the bathroom. And let's not forget when someone you're 'handling' throws up on you or cleaning up after someone in a seizure explosively loses bowel control. Oh, yeah, then there's scrubbing blood out the carpet and off the walls. YOU get these jobs because everyone else freaks out and can't do it. But you're the 'tough guy,' so you get to do it.

This is the life you get when 'being tough' becomes your profession. And this is over and above all the violence ... and injuries. Plus, you get to look at everyone with suspicion because you're constantly being lied to, manipulated and attacked. You find yourself detaching from normal life as you see more and more of the bad side of humanity. You learn to not only casually accept violence and the worst of humanity, but you learn to be real good at it and its complexities.

Having said all that, I'd like to point out a certain breed I used to have to go up against while working event security. Now if you think event security isn't any kind of challenge to a tough guy, well, you'd be wrong. A lot of those ickier moments came working crowds of 10,000 to 30,000 people. It's also where I encountered a breed whose name is also their description.

When you heard the words 'no shirts' mixed with 'Code 1' on a radio call, you started toward the location with really bad attitude. This, even if your attitude had been pretty good just moments before.

First things first. Code 1 meant 'heads up, we might have a problem.' Except when you heard the words 'no shirts,' you pretty well knew it was going to go to Code 2 (we have a problem) and more than likely Code 3 (it's hitting the fan). That's because No Shirts were almost always trouble.

As a rule, No Shirts were easy to spot. They were young, clean, college-aged, white kids from upper middle class families. They were often jocks and in good physical shape. They'd come to events and start drinking. They were famous for stacking beer cups to show off their drinking prowess. As their blood alcohol levels got higher, they got rowdier.

What they were also famous for was peeling off their shirts in the heat of the day. The combo of stacked beer cups, no shirt and stupid, rowdy behavior made them our problem.

No Shirts were trouble because they were too young to know any better and too big not to be taken seriously.

More than that, they believed they were invincible and, therefore, had no hesitation about becoming violent.

I mean, hell, bikers and bad asses were a whole lot easier to deal with. Granted thugs were a lot more dangerous -- if it hit the fan -- but actual tough guys could be talked to, talked down and reasoned with far more easily than No Shirts. That was because actual bad asses knew that violence wasn't a game. More than that, they knew we could and would, hurt them right back.

Among the truly experienced, everyone knew -- if it went sideways -- going to jail, the hospital or the morgue was probable. Because of this, there was a general reluctance to engage in unnecessary violence. This actually made them easier to deal with and resolve issues sans violence. If it couldn't be resolved, then thugs preferred doing it on their terms -- and that is what made them dangerous. They were intentional about injuring you.

Conversely, No Shirts, weren't intentionally dangerous, but they achieved it through sheer ignorance.

The combination of aggressiveness, short temper, good physical conditioning, a sense of entitlement, the willingness to fight and having absolutely no idea when to stop made them de facto dangerous. And not in a good way.

More of a "can't I just shoot this dickslap in the face and be done with it?" way.

These handsome, clean and shiny kids from the 'burbs were -- in this condition -- loose cannons.

From an internal perspective, the extent of their thinking focused on how they were going to kick your ass. It was NOT about the damage you could cause to them. Nor was it about, 'hey I really might hurt someone if I go off on them.' While we're on the subject, legal problems from physically assaulting someone wasn't a pressing issue to them either.

The booze wasn't the problem. Their belief they were invincible gods of might and destruction made them really hard to talk down. Why shouldn't they just kick your ass right then and there? The booze just added to this stupidity.

From an external standpoint, if you let them, they would beat you into a hospital. That's because they didn't know how much damage they could cause, nor did they know when to stop. They'd keep on throwing punches and kicks, even if someone went down.

An experienced fighter will know when he's losing. In these circumstances, if peace terms are offered, odds are good he'll take them. These guys, if they sensed they were losing, would fight harder. They'd ignore the terms of surrender. That meant there were only two ways to handle them in a one-on-one.

One was to be bigger, stronger, more physically fit and aggressive than they were and fight them into submission. (This, while it sounds good, extends the length of the fight and increases the risk of injury to everyone.)

Two, seriously injure them before they do it to you.

In case you missed it, Point 2 means if violence starts, you go in with the intent of breaking things from the start (intentional). Because while they don't intend to cause that kind of damage, they will. Basically because they don't know when to stop or quit due to their being young, dumb and full of cum (unintentional). And you can't rely on them to have an epiphany about the damage they are doing while kicking someone on the ground and stopping.

I would also like to point out another difference between actual bad asses and No Shirts. If you thump a thug for being an asshole and starting shit he can't finish, he doesn't run home to his lawyer daddy and try to sue your ass. Middle class punks do. It's never about the damage they cause, it's all about what you did to them.

That's why when a call of 'no shirts' came over the radio, you rolled. Simply stated, the safest way to handle No Shirts, was to cheat. And cheat we did.

Daily.

Our professional answer to No Shirts was to hit them with overwhelming force. They wanted to play macho one-on-one games? We didn't.  There was one No Shirt? There were four of us. There were four of them? There were 16 of us.

I would say we'd overwhelm them before they knew what hit them, but, the fact was, they were so focused on going one-on-one with someone, they were blind to the actual situation they were in. They would be screaming at and focused on one of us and never notice the odds had seriously changed against them. Or if they did, they were so convinced of their own superiority, they still thought they could take us all on.

We quickly dissuaded them from that illusion.

How? Simple, we weren't being paid to fight. Nor were we being paid to lose. We were being paid to protect the owner's interests and solve problems like the No Shirts. And to do it as quickly as possible. That meant we weren't playing by the same blind, macho rules they were using. We had a lot more options than just blind aggression and head-on fury.

As well as dogpiling, these options included blindsiding, sucker punching them and other sneaky shit. Stuff that people who use violence as a part of their lives and jobs knew, but No Shirts didn't.

I tell you this bit of history to explain why some buffed out, shiny, middle class dude getting up in my face isn't scary. In fact, it's just a pain in the ass. Not just that, though,it isn't even special, it's a routine problem.

I'd dealt with dangerous dudes who knew how to seriously hurt you -- and yet would hesitate to do so because they knew you could return the favor. In contrast, young, macho middle class guys in good shape don't know that. Worse, they never realized any hesitation to engage them DIDN'T come from their awesome 'bad assedness.' The real danger comes from the repercussions of having to hurt them before they inadvertently hurt you.

Sure I could crack his skull with the steel rod up my sleeve, but think of the paperwork. Is shooting this dude in the balls really worth the prison time? Macho idiots, who want to impress the world with how big their dicks are, don't think this way. People who have actual experience with violence and fighting do -- especially people who are professionally violent.

That's why someone who is
a) bound, bent and determined to take it violent no matter what
b) and is not really dangerous enough that you can just shoot him right up front
is such a pain in the ass.

It's not big, bad, scary, but a "PUNK, I don't need this kinda shit" hassle.

Changing tracks, there are a lot of programs out there that promise to make you a bad ass fighter. The sad thing about these programs is they present themselves as new, unique and cutting edge. I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but, when a system is based on being physically fit, strong, large and aggressive, it's NOT the system that is producing results.

Breaking news here, people: Being physically fit, strong, large and aggressive has been - throughout history -- what 'wins' an overwhelming majority of 'fights'.

Hell, it was what the No Shirts were relying on. It was what -- in their limited experience -- had worked and that was why they were swaggering around as though they could beat King Kong to death with their dicks.

Excepts 'fights' are only a small amount of how violence happens. While we're on the subject, the same mechanism of being bigger and stronger can also be used to commit assaults, bully and intimidate. As it often is.

This is what has been bugging the shit out of me for nearly a decade now. Here are all these super, uber, kick-ass systems like MMA, Krav, Kapap, so-called 'self-defense' mixed with Crossfit, reality based self-defense, whatever kind of combatives or some other 'extreme' physical training regime mixed with martial arts and boxing. These programs claim to be the ultimate hot shit fighting system.

Guess what, it ain't the system that's winning the fight!

What carries the day is:
a) being physically fit, strong and aggressive
b) NOT stepping outside a very limited spectrum of how violence happens.

Let's address point A first. For millions of years, bigger, stronger, better shape and raw aggressiveness have been winning an overwhelming majority of fights over social issues. This is a specialized type of violence where individuals are trying to establish dominance and the pecking order. And it is real common among the young-dumb-and-full-of-cum crowd.

It's also actually the least effective way to fight. Lots of sturm und drang, less actual injury. In fact, this kind of violence is designed to be ineffective and non-lethal.

Not that training in an ultimate fighting system doesn't work. In fact, it works great in that one specific kind of violence. And, if you happen to be monkey dancing and going up against someone of the same size, physical conditioning and using the same social violence tactics as you, that training IS likely to be the determining factor. It's a lot less effective if the dude charging you outweighs you by 100 pounds and is in equally good shape. Or if he's got a weapon and intends to kill you.

More often than not, what's really doing the work ISN'T the fighting system you've paid so much to learn. It's being bigger, stronger and more aggressive. Attributes that you developed working out in that nice, clean, shiny gym with the music pumping to get you all worked up and excited. As people often mistake intensity for truth, they also tend to ascribe success to the system and not the foundation of physical fitness that's actually holding it up.

Before we address point B, let's look at the result. The problem is these programs are turning people into No Shirts.

These programs pander to middle class fantasies about being a stud. They promote the attitude you can kick ass and take names. They tell you you're prepared to go out into the night and clash with bad boys -- without teaching what you really need in order to survive. An entire middle class subculture has sprung up around these 'gyms,' disguised as combative training halls. The addition of tattoos, gelled hair and the proper clothing line shows the word what cool god of bad-assery you are.

But I can assure you none of those will save you from a shotgun blast from the shadows -- with the trigger being pulled by the guy you beat up last week. Nor will it stop the guy you just intimidated and made eat crow in front of everyone from stepping out of the shadows and laying a baseball bat across the back of your skull. It especially won't stop the cops from arresting you for using your ultimate fighting system against a dude in a club or at a party. And it sure as hell won't stop you from being tazed, pepper sprayed or dog piled on by a bunch of professionals who -- despite the fact they really want to crack your skull for being an asshole -- are trying their best NOT to injure you. (Hint: Don't ever make it easier for them to injure you than to try lesser means, you won't like the answer.)

It also won't keep you from being puked on, bled on or from having to scrub stuff if you decide to become professional about violence. Not a cage fighter or a ultimate fighting 'coach,' but someone who's actually standing the wall and keeping shit from happening. That's IF someone is willing to hire you. (Think about No Shirts being bouncers. There's a lawsuit waiting to happen.) The word 'reality' is used a lot with these programs that pander to middle class fantasies about being a stud. But some how the filthy and disgusting aspects of the job never get mentioned.

But maybe that's because these guys really aren't training for stepping out into the night, they're just telling themselves that.

My fundamental problem with what is being taught in these programs is that they do NOT prepare you for violence. They prepare you for your middle class fantasies and illusions of violence. At best, they prepare you to do an illegal activity (fighting). They also feed into dreams of dominance and power by convincing you that you are such a stud.

In short, these programs will give you everything you need to know about how to be a No Shirt.

And as long as you stay in the safety of that clean and shiny gym, work and live in nice middle class environments, you'll never have to find out what's missing from what you were taught. You also, if you have a lick of sense, won't go out and find yourself in a situation facing someone who knows how to handle No Shirts -- or, worse, facing a true bad ass who will just shoot you in the face rather than do your macho monkey dance.

I'm an old dawg now. Not only did I do a whole lot of slamming and jamming when I was younger, but I discovered how messy and gross violence and that side of life can be. That's why I have a problem when I see people try and glorify it. I especially have problems with this current trend of willfully producing No Shirts -- and calling it self-defense. I mean what's being taught is a horrible blend of ignorance and arrogance when it comes to how violence happens, the complexities of it and the ramifications. But oh my gawd will the instructors -- and people who paid LOTS of money to take the courses -- tell you how good it is for handling 'real' violence. Their ultimate-extreme-sure-fire-one-stop-shopping-system-for-all-your-self-defense-needs IS everything you'll need to beat Godzilla to death with your dick.

If this is your ideal of what a stud is, then go on. If this is what you want to believe, then I ain't gonna stop you. You go right on ahead.

But if you wouldn't mind a little bit of closing advice. Do yourself a favor and stay in the gym, training hall and on the Internet. There you can tell yourself what ever you want to believe about violence and be safe and happy. Be warned though, if you step out into the night with that attitude, sooner or later, you WILL run into someone who
a) won't have any hesitation about seriously injuring you.
b) or to whom you're just another day on the job.

And that can be a hard, painful and bloody way of discovering what you don't know about violence.

M